the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
