My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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