you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
