your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
