everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
