the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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