wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
