On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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