Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
