Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
