Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
