My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
