ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
