girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
