my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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