is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
