Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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