Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
