come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
