textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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