its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
