Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
