Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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