If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize