and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
