so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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