But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
