I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
