3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
