she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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