I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
