Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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