So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
