thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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