bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
