And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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