Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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