so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
