I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
and you fell through a lawn chair
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
