Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
