State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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