Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish they made helmets for livers.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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