yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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