All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
