rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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