Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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