That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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