Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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