Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
