She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
