Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
