The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
