Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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