I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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