so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
