Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
