Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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