i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
