I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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