I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize