The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
