Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
