What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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