We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
