all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
