i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
