You're completely useless in the revolution.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
