i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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