Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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