Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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