Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
