You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
