You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
