dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize