after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
