I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
